Friday Matt and I had our first appointment with the specialist. It started with a bit of paperwork and then a lot of labs. They drew about 3 to 4 vials of blood from each of us to check for all sorts of stuff (AIDS, HIV, and other communicable diseases).
When we finally met with the doctor I was so tight with tension that if you flicked me with a finger I'd vibrate right out of the room. Ugh, I tried so hard to breathe deep and keep a handle on the questions I wanted to ask but that became quickly difficult. My head was spinning a bit. I don't know how to do this! I want a manual! Finally, I gathered myself enough to start asking questions. There were only a few that I needed answered at this stage. I wanted statistics. For a creative person, I cling unusually strong to facts. I was relieved to hear that with the quality of our eggs, we had approximately a 45-48% chance of one embryo implanting. That was better than we expected. A smile, but it quickly faded as I had my chance to ask the fear that has been plaguing me since we've begun this. I cleared my throat, it was amazingly difficult to find my voice. I asked about the thawing success rate. I have been concerned that none would serve the thaw. That we would have gone through this all but to no avail, and worse, that Kelly and her family would too. A significant part of the difficulty here is that we are drawing others into our struggle. But this is a lesson in trust; not just trust, but love.
So I asked about the chance of loosing all three in the thaw. He reported that each embryo has a individual successful thaw rate of approximately 89%. It was better than I hoped. I closed my eyes and felt a knot in my stomach relax. We then moved on to the discussion of how many to implant. This is nothing we can decide now. So much of it depends on quality after the thaw. I think there is much more to discuss about this with Kelly. There was the idea that if all three look good, we would have the option to re-freeze one. However, the quality would be significantly reduced by refreezing. I just can't see us doing that. Between the continued costs of storage and the chance of that embryo being viable during its next thaw. I don't think we will do that.
Next we had our physicals which were fairly run of the mill until the doctor was feeling my glands on my neck and saw a band of hyper-pigmentation running along the base of my neck. I had seen it and assumed it was sun damage from my many years of severe sun exposure as a child and in my teens. The doctor began to ask me questions about my cycle. Was it regular? No, and it never had been. Did I have a history of cysts? yes. Then he asked me about my acne. I am familiar with Traditional Chinese Medicine skin diagnosis and other than the areas of cell phone breakouts I knew my breakouts corresponded greatly with the uterine, ovarian, and cervical zones. After a brief battery of questions he stated, with certainty, that I had PCOS. I had heard of it.
Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I knew very little about it. I knew it affected fertility and had to do with smallish cysts on the ovaries that caused some sort of hormonal imbalance, and that it was not an uncommon issue but that was it. Despite my limited knowledge, and the knowledge that it wasn't a huge deal. I was pissed. Royally and utterly ticked off. Really? One more thing!? But we are done! We have are having someone else carry our child! We aren't supposed to have anymore bad fertility news! He began talking about the risks associated with PCOS. Uterine cancer, diabetes, ect. He explained the new diet I'd have to go on and said I'd have to go back on birth control to keep the hormones even. Great. Just freaking great. So much for that rare oops pregnancy. Another $50 or so a month. Ugh.... and the worst thing....NO CHEESE! That is a fate worse than death. I'm just so frustrated and sick of bad reproductive news.
Little Wonders
For Katy and Matt. May you realize that each step of this is a little wonder, a small miracle. We love you! ~Kelly & Ben
Sunday, March 14
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